Co-sleeping and bed-sharing are basically different ways of saying that your baby/child sleeps in your bed with you.
I remember when I was pregnant, saying to a good friend “Oh, I’d never be able to do that – I’d be too scared!”. She, quite rightly scoffed at me – “Just wait until you’re knackered and your baby wants to keep feeding”
Of course, she was right, but I didn’t actually really do it when Rowan was cluster feeding for 6+ hours a night, or when he didn’t want to sleep in his basket. We did ocassionally doze with him on our chests when we couldn’t stay awake any longer, but didn’t make an effort to do it ‘properly’ until about 8 weeks. This was mostly because I couldn’t get the hang of feeding lying down. When I did get the hang of this, we still couldn’t do it because Rowan had terrible wind and would wake up, sometimes in the early hours, screaming in pain because I hadn’t burped him during the night.
At about 12 weeks, the wind stopped overnight. At this time though, Rowan was only waking 1-2 times a night, and I was quite happy getting up to feed him. Then a few weeks later, some hot weather struck, he wasn’t eating as well in the day, maybe there was a growth spurt, blah blah blah… and he wasn’t sleeping for more than 3 hours in one go, and we gave it another try.
Since then, its been working really well for us – although we’re part time co-sleepers. Rowan goes into his own cot (right at our bedside) at bedtime, then I sit up for the first feed and put him back in his cot. When he wakes again, he gets pulled into my arms, and I latch him on and go straight back to sleep. Lovely! If he’s not well, or won’t settle because his routine’s been disturbed or whatever, he comes in much earlier. I sleep more lightly when he’s in with us, but I think I’m getting used to this, and generally wake up feeling refreshed. I’m tired by 9pm, but I think that’s pretty good going for someone with a 5 month old baby.
Like I was, many people are worried about the cot death implications – smothering, rolling on your baby and suchlike, but it really hasn’t been something that worries either David or me, once we got used to it. The thing to remember is that there are simple guidelines for safe co-sleeping, which I shall summarise here:
- Be careful with bedding, particularly for a non-mobile baby. If you use a duvet they should be well above the level of the duvet or securely on top of it.
- Dress your baby lightly if they’re sleeping with you as it is very easy to overheat
- Use a good firm mattress
- Never co-sleep if you’re exhausted, if you or your partners are smokers, or if you’ve been drinking
Co-sleeping isn’t for everyone. If you’re not happy with the idea that you might have a 2 or 3 year old in your bed, think carefully about this. We’ve decided that we’re happy with this for some time, and will try to tempt Rowan into his own room sometime between his 2nd and 3rd birthdays with a redecorated room and some new furniture. We’re prepared that this might take some time, but we will deal with it as we need to.
I’m looking forward to Rowan learning to crawl so he can come and help himself in the night without waking me up – he’s already pretty good at latching himself on!
Like so many other things, I wish I’d been able to do this earlier (although I think the wind issue may have been a real problem). I also think that loads of people probably already do this, when they really need to. They’re advised by the SIDS people not to do it – advice which is given because of the lack of formal research into the subject – and feel guilty/worry when they do. I think this is a shame because it stops the safety guidelines being shared properly (although I was given some basic ones by a midwife in hospital – “you’re not supposed to do this, but if you do…”). Of course, plenty of people also ignore the guidelines that you should keep your baby in your room for X months. (I think its 6)
What research there is indicates that there are significant benefits to co-sleeping. Being close to a parent while sleeping is shown to regulate babies breathing (possibly something to do with the exhaled carbon dioxide stimulating breathing in the baby).
I’m going to post this for the moment but am going to try to come back to it to add links to research and co-sleeping information
I’m currently contemplating co-sleeping. My 10 week old son will go down in his crib for the first part of his nights sleep, but will not/cannot go down after his first night feed – he never seems to reach the ‘floppy’ stage when I know he’s asleep enough to go into his own crib. I therefore end up falling asleep with him on my chest whilst trying to rock him back to sleep and then spend a fitful night half sitting up half lying down with him on my chest.
My anxieties about co-sleeping mostly concern bedding. I’m not sure whether to ditch my divet and replace with a sheet and blanket, or whether to change to a lighter tog, or whether to cover me and ant not him – but how?! Also one of the reasons he seems to struggle to get back to sleep is a difficulty lying on his back – is it safe to co-sleep cuddling him into you i.e. both of you on your sides facing one another?
It’s so difficult as there’s no-one to ask these questions of as hv’s are still saying it’s unsafe despite evidence to the contrary.
Any guidance would be greatly appreciated.
We kept our duvet for the winter months, but Rowan was always on top of the covers, which I pulled across my body away from him so the top of my “feeding side” was exposed. I got cold at times, and I think I used a blanket (probably one of his cot ones) to cover the gap. Wearing nice thick PJs helps too. If your baby is well below the line of the duvet, he’ll be fine. You can then dress him according to the temperature (bearing in mind that he’ll be warmer snuggled up next to you. In this weather I think he would just have had a babygro and vest, and perhaps a light blanket
When it got warm we moved to a sheet and a king sized cellular blanket (much like a cot blanket) but I think Rowan ended up on top of it more often than not.
Rowan slept on his side most of the time, then when I was awake to unlatch him I would roll him onto his back (when he let me). Its been a while since I did the reading but I think the fact that they can’t accidently roll onto their front, and the reduced risks from being so close to the parent makes this ok.
The best thing you can do is have a read of Three in a Bed by Deborah Jackson. Its an excellent book and explains some of the reasons that co-sleeping is not advised by health professionals.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Three-Bed-Benefits-Sleeping-Your/dp/0747565759/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1240602377&sr=8-1
You’re much safer with him carefully in your bed than falling asleep precariously sitting up.
Just for your information, co-sleeping never really worked out for us long term. Initially we struggled because he suffered from wind and needed burping during the night – and when that didn’t happen he woke up screaming. While Rowan was feeding a lot, it was better than putting him down, but as he got older he didn’t sleep well in with us, so we abandoned it in the end (although we went back to it when he was quite ill around the age of 1)
He’s now, at 15 months, very happy to sleep in his own bed (we moved him to a toddler bed because he never liked his cot).
We were not planning on co-sleeping at all, as I was very worried about the dangers that could happen to your baby. But after of only a few nights of feeding, putting baby down, her screaming, so feeding to calm her down, putting her down, baby screaming etc etc all night, I accidently doozed with her on my chest!!!
From that night on, we’d manage to get her into her mosses basket from her 10.30 (ish) feed (expressed bottle via daddy), but then when she woke up for her next feed, she’d stay in bed with us (and still does)!!
She also sleeps on her side, with her head on my arm, which recently someone told me could result in a young baby’s lungs collapsing (another thing to feel bad about)!!!
I find that we sleep lightly with her in the bed, but it’s better than no sleep at all, and the duvet comes upto her chest (arms over the top)!!!
Thanks for bringing this up, and stopping mums like us feeling bad … we have to do what we have to do for our babies … they’re all different!!