Today I’ve been reading about Unconditional Parenting and some related parenting methods. I should be working so I’ll just note them here so I’ll get round to reading them eventually. And maybe you can read them too and discuss them with me 
Punished by rewards?
The Risks of Rewards
Taking Children Seriously
http://www.alfiekohn.org/teaching/ror.htm was pretty good; and it’s not particularly surprising – e.g. the whole thing about volunteers working harder than those paid to do a task.