- Terry Pratchett Audio books (Discworld - ankh morpork ones are best but I already have “guards, guards”, “thud” and “men at arms”)
- Nation (new terry pratchett title)
- monsoon vouchers
- a sparkly pretty ring with lots of precious stones (yeah, fat chance)
- pretty wine glasses
- a decent griddle pan (see nice debenhams pans I already have - David would know)
- some really good baking trays (See above perhaps)

Just a few ideas, as I know I can be hard to buy for. Now you can ignore this and buy me something I didn’t know I wanted!

This hasn’t been prompted by anything in particular at the moment, just a growing general realisation that I let myself feel involved in things that I can’t, and perhaps shouldn’t do anything about. I should keep my indignation general, and not personal. I should try to find constructive ways to gently get my point across, instead of ranting at David/Jenny/whoever will listen. And that’s all I have to say about that.

Another improvement is in his settling. He goes down at bedtime awake more often (and even sometimes during the night - at 4am or whatever) and settles himself. Sometimes there’s a minute or two of crying, but its pretty half hearted. Tonight, due to some strangely timed naps, he wasn’t ready for bed at his normal 6pm (he was eating dinner then) and had a later bath. After his feed, some books and some Daddy time, he still wasn’t settling, so David put him in his cot, put his mobile on and left him. The crying stopped well before the mobile, and over the monitor over the next 15 minutes we heard a bit of burbling and some other happy noises, and an hour later he’s still quiet so most likely asleep! This self settling (and particularly the happy burbling) bodes well for the future!

Nap wise, we’ve managed to drop the very annoying habit of not sleeping without my nipple in his mouth (I’ve managed to unlatch / put him down gently much more lately). However, he doesn’t seem to want to nap until 11am/lunchtime, which is making a second nap late and/or difficult. Late nap means we don’t know when he’ll be tired, and no nap means a stupidly early bed. I try not to worry about it, but nap times can mess up meal times, and an overtired baby is really hard work.

Physically, Rowan’s coming on in leaps and bounds. He was crawling properly by around 8 months, and since then he’s not really stopped. A couple of weeks later he was standing, then cruising, and last week he learnt to sit from standing! This last was a huge relief as he was standing for ages, then screaming as he couldn’t get down! We’re some way off walking, but the cruising is going well, and you can see from the way he stands that he’s getting stronger, so my guess is that he’ll be really mobile by Xmas or thereabouts.

This weekend Rowan’s going to Gregynog to interview some students, or perhaps sabotage their bamboo catapaults. Sleep will be, in my estimation, limited!

A friend asked me why I was expressing rather than using formula. Pretty much all of Rowans baby friends now get formula during the night so that feeds can be shared, and mums can go back to work, as I am. My answer was “Why would I?” Why would I give my son the scientifically modified milk of another mammal when for the sake of a few minutes pumping, he can get the milk that is made specifically for him? Why would I spend money and have to boil and cool the formula in the middle of the night when David can just pluck a bottle out of the fridge and run it under the hot tap for a bit?

This is not meant to be a criticism of those who decide to give formula. Many people understand the risks of formula feeding and understand how to prepare their bottles properly (and I think some of those risks will be reduced once the gut is closed - the babies are all on solids anyway). If they’ve made an educated choice I have no issue with it. But I’m taking the route that is closer to what is natural than any other (and if I weren’t working I wouldn’t feel the need to be sleep training him any more than we already have because its only when I try to use my brain that I notice just how tired I am - so I wouldn’t need anyone else to give Rowan milk)

It just seems sad to me that use of formula is so commonplace and accepted, that even people who breastfed successfully for their baby’s first few months, without using formula, start to use it at a time when their babies are naturally starting to reduce how much milk they’re drinking! And sad that I’m the odd one out. Its not an issue of poor support for breastfeeding at this stage, its just the acceptance in our society of what is technically an inferior food for our babies - as a convenience.

And if you know I’m talking about you - either because I really am, or because I could be describing you, I’m not judging you, I’m just finding the whole thing strange. Particularly the fact that I feel the need to point out I’m not judging!

So, back she went. This wasn’t as hard as it could have been as we hadn’t really bonded with her yet, but we do feel sorry for her to have had a glimpse of a home then having to go back, but then it wouldn’t have been kind to keep her and feel like we had to shut her away from Rowan or new people all the time.

One on of these sites we’ve recently been having a discussion about how its a shame that new mothers have to come to strangers on a website to ask for advice and reassurance about perfectly normal (if tiring) newborn behaviour.  Its not the fact that they’re asking - we all happily give the needed advice and reassurance - its that they (we, really) have to wait until we have babies to experience them.

To quote my post:
“Before I had my son, I was good friends with 2 mothers. Most of my friends haven’t had kids, I don’t have that sort of relationship with my mother in law and haven’t spoken to my mother in 7 years. I’m one of these people that wants to know everything, so when I’d read loads of stuff on pregnancy and birth (and I agree pg women are really hung up on birth - its scary!) I started reading baby books. My tiny pool of motherly support was from two different extremes. My sister-in0law had had 2 fairly textbook babies (although I did hear about things like mastitis and colic from her, so was prepared for those as much as I could be) and my friend had a horrendous pregnancy, a difficult Caesarian (scar still infected nearly a year later) and various other medical problems that have made her life really difficult - so I didn’t feel she was representative.

Oh I hope I remember this when I am a MIL!”

I guess that says it with regard to babies, but I think the same goes for so much more.  We don’t live as a community any more - and I can’t see society ever becoming like that again - so we’ve lost so much shared knowledge and experience, its worse than a shame. I’m lucky to have had the help I have from David, and from Jenny and her family.  Add to that my antenatal group who have been there every week for us to compare notes, and support groups like the baby bistro (which I am now able to help people at, even in an unofficial capacity until they get more funding for training)

Hopefully by getting my nieces involved with Rowan I’m ensuring that they won’t grow up like that - they’re going to be older than all their cousins, and hopefully heavily involved with them all, so maybe they’ll do better than me - and not be shocked by some of the hard parts of being a mum!

To solve this (I would think) I want one of these.  In brown and blue.  Only I can’t justify £65 on it

Another thing for my Xmas list.

Anyway, now Rowan is a bit more predictable at night, and is eating more solids (and presumably less milk) we need to think about getting fit again.  I’m already feeling fitter than I was after the birth (and about 6 months of sitting on my arse - I now feel I was a little too worried about overdoing it!) and am almost ready to make a start on something more serious.  I’ve been walking at least a mile every day during the week (pretty much) and regularly do 2-4 miles in a day to get to various things.

I don’t think I’m quite ready for running club yet, but I might just try out the gym at the dolphin centre (local council leisure centre).  It’ll be odd because I’ve never been an evening exerciser, but that’s the only opportunity I’ll get, so I’ll have to take it.

I’ve already ditched my regular biscuit/snack buying habit (although I currently subsituting with cream crackers - just not so many of them) and need to work on that suppertime bowl of ice cream and the chocolate I still like to buy when I’m out and about.  Of course I won’t be giving up everything just yet - I’m still breastfeeding after all - I just want to gradually start getting fitter again, as I felt great when I was running every week!

This time it was ignorant teenagers rather than overzealous staff, but still, will they never learn?  What a pity those mcdonalds staff couldn’t call the police on the little bastards.