Displaying 11 - 20 of 72 entries

My promise to you, my children

  • Posted on October 27, 2010 at 7:09 pm

As I watch you sleep, my beautiful, amazing reasons for living, I want to protect you from everything life might throw at you. But I can’t do that. I can just make the best of what we have.

I swear never to make you bear the burdens of my problems. I will try my best to protect you from them, not entangle you in them.

I promise never to make you feel worthless. If I speak to you in anger I will do my best to take back any harsh words and repair any hurt feelings.

I will always be there for you, hoping you will understand that your needs will come first, but sometimes your wants have to come second to my needs.

I will never be afraid to take back a bad decision and will try to be strong enough to listen when you disagree with me. I want you to feel your opinions are valued even when they are not followed.

As important as you are to me I will not life my life solely through you. I will try to step back and let you control your own lives as you grow, knowing that I am always around if I am needed.

Above all I will love you, with everything I am and everything I will ever be. My beautiful, precious babies.

Building self-esteem

  • Posted on October 11, 2010 at 9:16 pm

I think that everyone, whatever the circumstances, will experience low self-esteem during a relationship breakdown. It is hard not to question and blame yourself during the endless what, why, when, how, where sessions, but I think it is rare that these things are actually down to one partner alone and part of moving on is to deal with these emotions, address what really was your fault and somehow let the rest go.

Since my separation I have been on a bit of a quest to look at myself honestly and decide how I want to live my life from now on. I’ve been looking at criticisms that have come from others and from inside me and starting to think about how to deal with them, and what I need to address during my upcoming counselling sessions. I’ve also been looking at specific behaviours and trying to control them, with some success so far. This is important to me. Moving on in my life I want to be the best person I can, while forgiving myself when I don’t quite manage to live up to my own, often harsh, standards.

To this end I have various things I want to tackle over the coming months. The one that I feel is most affecting my day-to-day life, and those around me, is anger. When I’m tired and feeling pulled in what feels like 10 different directions by the demands of life as a single mother to 2 under 3s, and I’m faced with what is possibly the most frustrating creature on the planet (well if you don’t count husbands) – the toddler who likes to say ‘no’ – sometimes I crack. All too often I shout in frustration and I see my behaviours mirrored in my precious little boy. That’s really really not how I want to bring up my children, so I need to work on two things.

The first is how I express my anger. When I control it and keep my voice low and reasonable, Rowan generally responds better. If I shout, he shouts back and often hits. I’m clearly having an effect on him and this really makes me feel bad about myself. Of course it is frustrating for me that I’m trying to change Anya’s nappy or keep the house tidy, get the dinner cooked and the clothes washed and dried and he won’t do what I think I need him to do right now! But then of course he gets frustrated that his crazy mummy keeps asking him to do things when Thomas is in the middle of rescuing diesel!

So the second thing is setting priorities. Some things I need to insist on, and genuinely do need doing NOW, but really what does it matter if he puts his pants on now or when he’s finished playing?

Of course these things are hard to remember when you’re already wound up, but I will keep trying and keep forgiving myself when I don’t get things right, so long as I’m still trying.

IPad – really is lovely!

  • Posted on October 9, 2010 at 9:43 pm

Due to a miscalculation in my maternity pay over the last few months I have a little extra coming to me next month, so decided to blow it on a iPad, as I have been lusting after them for some time. I’m no expert, but I do know that I like it. Easy to use, it has a great feel to it and it has definitely lived up to expectations so far. I’m just waiting for Rowan to figure out that I can p,ay his favourite Thomas film on it. Misty island rescue here we come!

I’m back!

  • Posted on October 6, 2010 at 10:02 pm

Perhaps it should be muddling through single motherhood now. Oh yea I’m going to be a divorcee. And I hope to start blogging a bit more, about my journey to regain my fabulosity and learn how to be an adult alone. With a lot of help from my friends!

Thinking about the garden

  • Posted on February 7, 2010 at 5:33 pm

Last year I had grand plans for our garden, and the bountiful veggie plot it was going to become.  However, I think we might be a bit distracted when the summer comes around so we are keeping things a bit smaller.

We bought some cheap seeds last summer – I know they might not be much good but we’re going to make use of them for the moment (and add a couple of other bits) to get a small plot going.

Next weekend we’re going to dig out the plots.  I’ve decided what we’re having and what will go in each of the 4 beds, so perhaps we’ll get a bit more veg this year.  The strawberries, blackberries, raspberries and blueberries should be ok (albeit in small quantities) so hopefully there’ll be fruit and veg, plus fun watering to keep Rowan busy (he really enjoyed it last year)

Its been a while

  • Posted on January 3, 2010 at 4:07 pm

I haven’t blogged for ages, for a lot of reasons. Mostly it is the fact that I have had a rough few months. I’m currently 4 months pregnant and have had a pretty rough time of it. David has been away a lot, one or all of us have been ill for pretty much that whole time and I have been exhausted. Utterly exhausted.

Things are a bit better now – I have come out of the first trimester fog, although I am still not sleeping well so I am still tired, but I finally feel like I can try to get back into the good routine I was starting before I got pregnant.

There’s lots I need to get back into over the next few months but I am finally back and will hopefully be doing a few catchup posts over the next couple of weeks.

No, recommended weaning age is NOT 4 months

  • Posted on October 1, 2009 at 2:04 pm

We’ve recently joined the Soil Association and they sent a couple of free recipe books, including “The Organic Baby & Toddler Cookbook”. I was hoping it would be a sensible book, at least mentioning that there is no *need* to puree if you don’t want to, but no.

It mentions starting weaning at 4 months (although only ‘raw’ fruit and vegetable juices, but it is still NOT milk) and then talks about giving purees from 6-8 months, and introducing finger foods afterwards (although I haven’t read it cover to cover so might have missed something)

While lot of people will say that weaning at 4 months was fine ‘in my day’, guidelines now clearly state that food before 17 weeks (and most people will take 4 months as 16 weeks, I certainly did at that stage) is proven to be potentially harmful to your baby. Their gut matures (and is able to deal with digesting food rather than just milk) sometime between 17 and 26 weeks so the best thing is to wait until 26 weeks. (I didn’t quite but I will next time round!). The best piece of advice, whether you are pureeing or not, is to wait until your baby is sitting almost unaided in their highchair and can pick up food and bring it to their mouth.

I know people decide to wean earlier based on all sorts of advice from parents and friends and even health visitors – advice that they have every reason to believe, and I know that there are some very good medical reasons to wean before 26 weeks, but these are the facts. This is not a dig at parents, but a dig at people who should know better publishing books with incorrect advice.

Of course someone is now going to come along and tell me there is something different about ‘raw’ fruit and veg juice that actually makes it safe, but I’m pretty sure that is not the case!

Anyway, for information, the NHS weaning leaflet really gives the right advice on starting weaning :

At about six months babies are ready to be moved onto a mixed diet.
Try giving solid foods when your baby:
– can sit up
– wants to chew and is putting toys and other objects in their mouth
– reaches and grabs accurately.

It is normal for babies aged three to five months to begin waking in the night when they have previously slept through. It is not necessarily a sign of hunger and starting solids will not make your baby more likely to sleep through the night again.”
(You can read the whole leaflet here http://www.dh.gov.uk/prod_consum_dh/groups/dh_digitalassets/documents/digitalasset/dh_084164.pdf: )

If you want to comment, you’ll have to do it on http://muddlingthroughmotherhood.co.uk as I’m still not bothering to check facebook and will eventually get round to taking my blog off there I expect.

Update on some challenges

  • Posted on September 29, 2009 at 3:58 pm

Its a bit late for these, but I’ve been doing ok on the challenges I set myself.

Tumble drier wise, we’ve been lucky with the weather lately and although it does get used for finishing off nappies, it is no longer full with whole loads we are too lazy to put out on the airer. Lets hope this continues when the weather starts to fail.

Supermarket wise, its been so-so. I’m not going to be able to stop shopping at ASDA without planning to the tiniest detail (and possibly bankrupting us in the process). While my planning is currently vastly improved (and I am starting to adjust plans as I go along, to prevent wastage) it is not at the stage where I can predict just how many bananas Rowan will want to eat in one day, so there will be times I will need to top up. Its not every day or anywhere near it any more though, and it is almost always with a list. I intend to carry on the way we’re going at the moment, trying to get as much fruit and veg from Abel and Cole (or alternative box scheme) because I can get in-season (if not exactly local) and British produce as well as foreign stuff that I know hasn’t been air-freighted.

And now I can’t remember what my other challenges were, if there were any.

I have a few challenges for October.

The first is a work one, which is to get our company accounts off to the accountant before the end of the month. This involves a fair bit of boring reconciliation which I have got behind on because of the accountants and our accounting software but I should be able to make a start on it next week.

Number 2 is to try to up my gym attendance to twice a week. I am pretty good at going on a Tuesday morning when Rowan is at nursery, but I need to try to find a way of fitting another session in. This won’t be easy with the amount that David is going to be away until Xmas.

The last one is to get a move on with my Xmas pressies. I need to find some good wool for the next one but the first half of the first present is almost done. My goal is to have 2 completed hat and scarf sets done by the end of the month.

Lets see how I manage with these!

One day gardening course

  • Posted on September 27, 2009 at 9:22 pm

I am seriously considering going on a soil association beginners gardening course. I’m finding trying to wade through books a but disheartening so I am hoping that something like this will help me get started ready for next year.

David has decided that this is fine and that I am going to be the brains and he the brawn of our vegetable growing adventures. With this in mind he claims he will not argue with my choices. Hmmm, I wonder how long that will last!

Switched off

  • Posted on September 22, 2009 at 8:01 pm

For various reasons I have cut down my online time quite significantly recently, including not checking facebook at all, and I’m finding that, at the moment I’m really making the most of those extra minutes (might blog more about that another day).

As I haven’t really missed facebook, I’m not going to go back on it until I do! My blogs will still appear on there as well as the muddlingthroughmotherhood site as I can’t be bothered to stop them, but I doubt i shall check in for a while yet, so if anyone wants me, email or text please :-)

When I don’t have a book and a cup of tea waiting I shall write a bit more about what I’ve been up to lately.