Muddling Through Motherhood

… and that’s always a dangerous thing.

Lots of general musings about life and the world and how I would ideally like things to be.

Having Rowan has really really made me consider things that had previously been unimportant to me, or ignorable. You can see evidence of this in my new interest in environmentally friendly things. While this thinking has left some big crazy ideas floating around in my head, in that direction I’m trying to take things slowly to prove to myself that I can keep up the changes we are making and that its not just a big fad – which I am prone to! (I’m ignoring the worries that the little I can do won’t make any difference to the big picture. I’m trying a bit of ‘Do as I do’ rather than ‘Do as I say’)

Anyway, I also read parenting books – mostly ‘alternative’ type ones and that makes me question the assumptions about bringing up kids – sometimes pretty substantial ones – that I had before a real life child appeared. I’m beginning to be able to consider different ways of doing things, questioning the ways I have settled into or will wander into as Rowan gets older.

As I’m trying to do more around the house and cook more from scratch I’m finding it hard to get stuff done – except while Rowan is asleep – as he doesn’t like me to be out in the kitchen. He’s happy playing on his own a lot of the time (so long as he’s not bored/tired etc) but as soon as I go in the kitchen (unless the TV is on) he’s in there, wanting to be picked up etc. I’ve tried convincing him to play in the safe half of the kitchen but he wants to have his hands in what I’m doing (or to take me away from it) which is a bad thing when I’m trying to cook.

I am going to try to see if it is just interest, and try some baking with him, but I’m not sure how to include him in the other things like chopping veg and washing up – at least not at his age. I want him to learn, early, that these are normal things to do and life’s not all about toy cars and stacking cups and 24hr attention. I want him to know that I am there but that sometimes I need to do other things. It’s a challenge but it’s increasingly important to me that I at least try to do things in the way I think is right. Small changes to our routine, but working towards the fuzzy ideas that are started to take shape in my brain about how we should be living.

Or ‘A bit of blackberry picking’

This afternoon, after Rowan’s epic nap and a hearty snack (he fell asleep before his lunch!) I decided the time was ripe (!) to go and investigate our local ‘fields’ and hedges for some blackberries, with Rowan in tow.

He got very excited when I suggested he might like to wear his wellies, and was happy to be going out for a walk (although he wasn’t too impressed to be walking away from the park). He loved being allowed to roam away from me (although I could pretty much always see him) as I was taking the opportunity to let him do a bit of discovering and he was, at times, vaguely interested in the blackberry picking

Things I learnt (I didn’t do all of these things wrong but was grateful for some of them, like long trousers)

• Wear decent shoes for treading on nettles
• Wear long trousers for avoiding nettles
• Wear long sleeves for avoiding nettles and brambles (and maybe take some gloves to get to those delicious ‘hidden by nettle’ unpicked patches)
• If you’re taking a baby or toddler think carefully about what sort of sling to use. We took a ring sling which was good in that Rowan could see what I was doing and eventually he joined in by popping the blackberries into the pot but had he been a bit grumpier he would have been better off on my back.
• If you’re going somewhere suitable, take a ball to entertain older kids as I reckon their enthusiasm for picking lasts about as many minutes as they are years old. Perhaps a few more if they really like eating blackberries!

In the 45 minutes we were out we had plenty of fun and managed to get a pound and a half of blackberries, which added to those in my freezer should make at least a couple of pounds. I think they’ll all go in the freezer and jam making will be happening at the weekend.

I’ve been reading a bit lately about peak oil and climate change and that sort of thing. This is because I’ve found that having Rowan has made me worry about the future, and because we have friends who have managed to effectively (and not deliberately) make me sit up and notice. I’m a bit too scared to read the real doom and gloom ‘we’re all going to starve’ type stuff and have instead been focusing on more upbeat things about the small things we can do to help – both to reduce our impact on the world and to prepare ourselves in the event that things do get really bad.

To that end, while the enthusiasm remains I am going to, in the style of an excellent blog I have been reading, set myself one task each week. It might be introducing a new thing into our daily lives or it might be trying out something new, or doing something different for a week (I am liking Jo’s no meat for a week challenge this week). It might also be something a bit fun if I’m going for something every week. We’ll see.

This week I have decided to do one thing in two parts. I am going to make some jam – learning to preserve the things that we’re growing. However I only have a small blackberry patch at the moment (and bramble jelly is my favourite) so I am going to also do a bit of urban foraging - for something that I can definitely recognise and know when it is ripe

I shall undoubtedly blog about my jam making adventures later!

When I get frustrated with David, or Rowan, or life in general, as we all do at times, it is hard to focus on how lucky I really am. But I do know it, and today I am reminded that for every hard moment or tough day there are five (at least!) good ones. I had a rough day last week – a really tough one containing vomit and tantrums- and by the weekend I really needed a break. And, because I have a husband who (while not perfect) can generally tell when I’m at the end of my tether and need a break or a change, I’ve had a much more relaxing weekend, where David has taken Rowan out to the park repeatedly and spent some really good father and son time. It is times like this when they get the chance to spend plenty of time together that you can see the bond they have. So much love from such a little boy, and he already knows how to share it around

I’ve been rereading my book about life with a breastfeeding toddler and I found the section on fathers amusing, realising I have never once been subjected to criticism from David about our continued breastfeeding. Nothing but support, whether I want to feed Rowan in public to settle him, or if I’ve just had enough and need to be taken out of the equation for a while (sometimes there are complaints about other things that need doing, but never about the fact that I need a break from an activity that I chose to persue). All the suggestions in the book about how a father can help are things that David does. Not always without being asked and certainly not without complaints at times, but when I really need it, the support is there. I thank him for it, and perhaps one day Rowan will because without him there would be far more times when I felt unable to meet Rowan’s needs.

So today I give thanks. For my husband – the best Daddy a wife could hope for – and for my son, a constantly suprising, endearing, challenging, loving little soul. I do appreciate you both even if sometimes it may not feel like it

I’ve just watched a nice cooking program on iplayer called ‘economy gastronomy’. As some typical voyeuristic BBC lifestyle rubbish, combined with some nice simple cookery, I enjoyed it. However as a comment on the people they found to go on it, I just want to say WTF!!?

This family (and I am afraid they are typical of so much of our society) did no cooking. Everything was oven cooked from a packet, zapped in the microwave or ordered from the takeaway. For a family of 5 they spent a whopping £220 a week on food. Two chefs came in and taught them some basic recipes, gave them a meal plan for the week and got hem to have a go at cooking for themselves. In order to make this happen the husband took a week off work as it was also half term and she couldn’t possibly cook and look after the kids ( although I admit the twin two year olds might have made life a bit difficult at times!)

Their new budget was £130 a week. I know people who can do it for closer to £30 than £130 so it didn’t really seem all that strict. It seems completely wrong to me that people can’t do such a simple job, even in a busy world.

I am following the story of some friends with interest. They are concerned about peak oil etc and are radically changing their lives to enable them to reduce their impact on the world and to provide themselves with the skills to survive in a world where we might not have access to all the conveniences of today. While I can’t see us changing to the extent they have I absolutely applaud their courage and dedication to their ideals and look for smaller things that we can do to change. And it’s not just because I worry about the future of the world, but because I think that a world where we have all lost the skills to care for our own basic needs is a poorer one. Cooking, gardening, sewing and other basic crafts are things that most of our generation know nothing about.

Thankfully I’m not completely clueless about this sort of thing but I am, slowly, trying to build on what I know, starting with a bit in the garden. Our lazy gardeing this year (generally having a go and growing from plants rather than seeds) is going much better than past years and we plan to be better prepared and a little more ambitious next year. Once our family size is more settled (it won’t be changing for a little while longer) i’d also like to thing about adding some more skills)

But if a huge part of our society can’t even feed themselves WITH a huge supermarket at their disposal where the hell would they be if something awful did happen? It really doesn’t bear thinking about!

I’m currently in the process of making sure all our CDs are ripped so we can put them somewhere out of the way (and out of reach of little fingers) as we never use them directly. I’m wishing it were sensible to do the same with all those unwatched DVDs but I guess there would be disk space issues.

I just wish I could convert all my beloved books to ebooks!

8 years ago today I got married. Thankfully to David – only the one husband so far! It was a bizarre day that I enjoyed overall but have some odd memories of. I’ve always said I like being married better than getting married and it is still true. They have been 8 good years, each one better than the last so far, so thanks David, and here’s to many more

Or Poo! if you’re fluent in Rowan Speak

Rowan has just developed an excellent awareness of the contents of his nappy. Since about last Tuesday he has been regularly grabbing at his nappy (picture a toddler bending over and grabbing his crotch!) while shouting Doo! to tell us he’s done a poo. Sometimes its not a poo (but I think he’s either telling us he’s done a week or is about to poo as I changed him thinking he wanted a fresh nappy, and he had pooed 5 minutes later) but he has told us about (I think) every poo since then, which is amazing as he gets nappy rash if we don’t notice the poo pretty quickly.

We’re not going to push the potty training but I might get a couple of pullup cloth nappies so we can offer him the potty when he does this at home.

Yay Rowan! He might not be talking much (although he is getting better – more on that later) but he is working on some stuff in that clever little brain!

I’ve long been thinking about my impact on this world an how I can try to live better and despite arguments with David about just how much effect one family would have, I have decided to try to set myself a goal. Maybe each week, maybe one for a month.

My first goal is for august, a month where we should be able to expect at least some sunshine! I am going to use the tumble drier as little as possible, and only for nappies when I do (we don’t have enough if we get several wet days in a row). It should save a bot of unnecessary electricity consumption

Well after the my response from Ms Baird MP, I emailed my MP again who responded promptly restating my two main points and promising to ask for clarification on these. A couple of days ago I got a response and here it is:

Dear Julie,

Regarding [me]

Thank you for your letter of 23rd June to the Vera Baird QC MP on behalf of the constituent Ms Goodwin concerning the Equality Bill. I am replying as the Minister responsible. I am sorry for puting you to the inconvenience of having to write a second letter as our first reply did not fully answer your constituent’s concerns. This was due to an administrative error.

On your constituent’s first point, if a mother was asked to stop feeding her child and leave a cafe, she will know that the law is on her side and this should give her the confidence to challenge the cafe owner by pointing out that he or she is treating her in a discriminatory manner. However, if for any reason she feels unable to do this, she can bring a discrimination claim against the cafe owner before the county court. Information and help on bringing a claim can be obtained from local Citizens Advice Bureaux, local Law Centres or the Equality and Human Rights Commission helpline.

With regard to her second point, the Equality Bill provides protection across specific areas – work, goods, facilities, services, public functions, premises and associations/private clubs. As is the case with discrimination law now, it therefore does not apply to exchanges between individuals in a personal or private capacity such as passers by in the street.

I hope this information is helpful to your constituent

Michael Foster DL MP

Well by omission I surmise that yes, she has to leave the cafe if she is asked, and no, it provides no protection against individuals harassing her. That just isn’t enough. Women and babies need more protection than that.

[Edit - just to clarify, I should have said that she may have the legal right to stay in that cafe, but she has nobody to protect that right at the time. I will be writing to my MP again for further clarification but as I understand it she has no right to call the police to back her up, and what use is the law without that right for an already vulnerable woman. As far as I am concerned, unless the legal system supports this right properly, as long as it is up to her to argue alone and push her case through the legal system, she does have to leave]