Muddling Through Motherhood

Today, while doing his favourite thing - running with his master - Mr Bob the dog was hit by a car.  He was taken to the vet by some friendly builders, but unfortunately his back was broken, and we decided that the kindest thing to do would be for him to be put down.

6 month old bob plays on the stairs in our aber house

Bob was a wonderful, loving dog - despite my constant complaints about the amount of hair he left behind - and he will be sorely missed.  Even Rowan loved Bob, following him around the room with his eyes, and trying to reach him when sitting on the floor - and being distracted by him at dinner time.

Bob starting on that trexy goat that slowly lost its stuffing to become a dirty empty goat shell!

Even with a loud baby, the house seems strangely empty now.

So far with Rowan I’ve been a very ‘take it as it comes’ sort of mummy.  I’ve liked the opportunity to take him out and about with me, and he’s napped and fed as he wanted to.  I loved it.

However, over about the last 6 weeks or so, this has been getting more and more unfeasible as he doesn’t pay attention when feeding in public, and, as I am discovering, hasn’t been napping as much as he needs to.

Now don’t get me wrong, I certainly wouldn’t have done the first 4 months with him any differently - I still believe he needed the frequent feeding and the cuddles to get the milk supply sorted / introduce him gently to this scary world - but as I observe my increasingly tired and grumpy baby and get up for the 5th/6th/7th time since I put him to bed, I begin to wish I had introduced a little structure a little earlier.

The catalyst for all of this has been his increasingly fragmented sleeping.  Its killing us all, and as I start to observe Rowans behaviour more closely (watching for sleepiness and overtiredness) I begin to realise that he’s been getting more and more overtired, with crazy shouting and mad hyper bouncing at times.  Before I started paying attention to all this, he was having 2/3 naps a day - but of only around 20 minutes each, which I now realise was nowhere near enough.

This is, I think, rebounding on his eating as I’m finding it hard to know when he is going to be in the right frame of mind to pay attention to his dinner and actually eat something.  We’re baby led weaning, so it requires his active participation, and he needs to be awake and alert for this - which when I try to get him to eat, he seems not to be!

So, we’re trying to change this.  In part I don’t like it as it isn’t what I wanted to do, but I’m not one of these people who makes a decision and sticks to it against anything.  If its not working, we find out what’s wrong and we fix it - even if the change I need to make sticks in my throat.  We will be aiming for 2-3 naps with a duration of at least 2 hours, preferably 3-4, at roughly regular times.  I know we won’t be able to manage this in his (or our) bed all of the time because we both love his activities and for my sanity at least, we’re not giving up all of them, so this will be subject to review once our term-time schedule starts come september.

Its going to be hard to get him to stick to this at first, as he doesn’t seem to know how to nap for a long time (although sometimes we’re lucky) and we’re trying various techniques.  I’m not going to write about these until we’re somewhat further down the line, as we’re in experimentation stage and I don’t know what is going to work yet.

Anyway, wish me luck, its going to be a hard few weeks (or maybe months)

Well we didn’t have that great a turnout, but we got a fair few signatures on our letter to Clare Short and we got in the Birmingham Mail!

We had a nice day, although I did feel a bit like David, I and the nice lady from the BfN were the only ones running around most of the time, we have made ourselves noticed and have plans for next year!

I guess I haven’t been very good at actually writing stuff about our own joyous journey through motherhood, so I’ll now write some cool things about Rowan.

He can sit up pretty well - even straight up now, although he still likes to fall forward onto his head, or flop to the side when he’s trying to do something

He sleeps like a baby (badly).  I sometimes get annoyed when people ask me “Is he sleeping through yet?” as I know many babies never sleep through.  At the moment, he wakes up who knows how many times during the night.  I think this is primarily because he’s too busy being a little baby and enjoying himself during the day to remember to get his fill of milk.  I don’t think the little food is helping either as he seems to have got a bit of wind during the night, so I need to remember to wake up and sit him up to let him get a bit of a burp - not easy when we feed him lying down, with both of us asleep!  On a side note, if we weren’t co-sleeping, I wouldn’t be coping at all.  I do, however, reserve the right to complain just occasionally when I’m tired, even though I have no intention of trying to do anything about it.  If he needs to eat, he needs to eat, whether its 2pm or 2am!

He likes to giggle.  If you hold him up close and pretend to chomp on the gap between his head and neck, Rowan will grin, and if you keep going, squeal with delight.  His beloved Aunty Jenny started this, and we just love the reaction, so we do it a bit :-)  Incidentally, he likes it on his tummy too.  Raspberries on tummies and cheeks work pretty well too, but not as well as the sort of chomping motion!

Rowan has started eating his solids.  We had intended to wait until 6 months, but as we are doing Baby Led Weaning, and it makes sense to me that his ability to eat the food will keep track with his readiness for it, we offered him food every so often, and at about 23 weeks he decided he wanted to actually eat it.  He’s been getting better every day, and now feeds himself 3 (very small) meals most days.  We’re definitely getting an interesting new nappy experience though.  We are also only offering fruit, vegetables and the odd rice cake until 6 months though, when it will be a free for all (except salt and honey and nuts)

He is the best and most wonderful baby in the world!  But of course its my job to think that.

I briefly mentioned this in another post, but just to confirm that I have arranged a breastfeeding picnic to bring the issue of protection for breastfeeding mothers to public attention.  St Phillip’s Cathedral in the city centre have very kindly allowed us to use their churchyard for this.

We’re still looking for a wet weather venue, but we have the main location and can advertise it.  Please read more about the legislation here and the picnics here

If you wish you knew you were protected by law when feeding your child in public, please come along.  Bring a rug, a picnic, and if you have one (or more) your breastfeeding child.  If you’re not a breastfeeding mother, but just want to show your support, please come along too!

If I could figure out how to comment on this article, I would address my choice words there.  As I am failing to do that, I just have to have my rant here.

Breastfeeding in public is not indiscreet.  We are not flaunting our bodies nor exposing ourselves.  We are feeding our hungry babies.  Babies that need us nearby.  Babies that don’t feed on a timetable and who don’t understand ‘later’.  It is not appauling that we do this, it is natural.

Should we leave our precious babies with those useful baby sitters?  Should we stay at home until our baby may no longer need a feed?  No, we should get on with our lives.  It is people like you that make women too nervous to feed in public, and who endanger the breastfeeding of some of the few women who continue.  Well done you.

Now I shall go and feed my own baby, in the privacy of my home.  But tomorrow I’ll make sure to do it somewhere nice and public, and think of you, you ignorant, arrogant man.

Co-sleeping and bed-sharing are basically different ways of saying that your baby/child sleeps in your bed with you.

I remember when I was pregnant, saying to a good friend “Oh, I’d never be able to do that - I’d be too scared!”.  She, quite rightly scoffed at me - “Just wait until you’re knackered and your baby wants to keep feeding”

Of course, she was right, but I didn’t actually really do it when Rowan was cluster feeding for 6+ hours a night, or when he didn’t want to sleep in his basket.  We did ocassionally doze with him on our chests when we couldn’t stay awake any longer, but didn’t make an effort to do it ‘properly’ until about 8 weeks.  This was mostly because I couldn’t get the hang of feeding lying down.  When I did get the hang of this, we still couldn’t do it because Rowan had terrible wind and would wake up, sometimes in the early hours, screaming in pain because I hadn’t burped him during the night.

At about 12 weeks, the wind stopped overnight.  At this time though, Rowan was only waking 1-2 times a night, and I was quite happy getting up to feed him.  Then a few weeks later, some hot weather struck, he wasn’t eating as well in the day, maybe there was a growth spurt, blah blah blah… and he wasn’t sleeping for more than 3 hours in one go, and we gave it another try.

Since then, its been working really well for us - although we’re part time co-sleepers.  Rowan goes into his own cot (right at our bedside) at bedtime, then I sit up for the first feed and put him back in his cot.  When he wakes again, he gets pulled into my arms, and I latch him on and go straight back to sleep.  Lovely!  If he’s not well, or won’t settle because his routine’s been disturbed or whatever, he comes in much earlier.  I sleep more lightly when he’s in with us, but I think I’m getting used to this, and generally wake up feeling refreshed. I’m tired by 9pm, but I think that’s pretty good going for someone with a 5 month old baby.

Like I was, many people are worried about the cot death implications - smothering, rolling on your baby and suchlike, but it really hasn’t been something that worries either David or me, once we got used to it.  The thing to remember is that there are simple guidelines for safe co-sleeping, which I shall summarise here:

• Be careful with bedding, particularly for a non-mobile baby.  If you use a duvet they should be well above the level of the duvet or securely on top of it.
• Dress your baby lightly if they’re sleeping with you as it is very easy to overheat
• Use a good firm mattress
• Never co-sleep if you’re exhausted, if you or your partners are smokers, or if you’ve been drinking

Co-sleeping isn’t for everyone.  If you’re not happy with the idea that you might have a 2 or 3 year old in your bed, think carefully about this.  We’ve decided that we’re happy with this for some time, and will try to tempt Rowan into his own room sometime between his 2nd and 3rd birthdays with a redecorated room and some new furniture.  We’re prepared that this might take some time, but we will deal with it as we need to.

I’m looking forward to Rowan learning to crawl so he can come and help himself in the night without waking me up - he’s already pretty good at latching himself on!

Like so many other things, I wish I’d been able to do this earlier (although I think the wind issue may have been a real problem).  I also think that loads of people probably already do this, when they really need to.  They’re advised by the SIDS people not to do it - advice which is given because of the lack of formal research into the subject - and feel guilty/worry when they do.  I think this is a shame because it stops the safety guidelines being shared properly (although I was given some basic ones by a midwife in hospital - “you’re not supposed to do this, but if you do…”).  Of course, plenty of people also ignore the guidelines that you should keep your baby in your room for X months. (I think its 6)

What research there is indicates that there are significant benefits to co-sleeping.  Being close to a parent while sleeping is shown to regulate babies breathing (possibly something to do with the exhaled carbon dioxide stimulating breathing in the baby).

I’m going to post this for the moment but am going to try to come back to it to add links to research and co-sleeping information

There’s going to be a breastfeeding pinic in London on 21 July to correspond with the closing of Parliament for the summer to protest against the inadequate protection of mothers and babies provided by the Single Equalities Bill.

I will hopefully be organising one in Birmingham - and will post more as I get it sorted out.  In the mean time, read more about it here and here

Here’s a great account of feeding and bonding experiences from a mother of 8 - 5 formula fed, 3 breast fed, and the differences she felt.  It made me cry a little, and Morgan’s words about how women should be allowed to be upset that they haven’t been able to breast feed feel very right to me.  Read it here

Continuing my reputation as the odd one out of the new mothers I know, Rowan and I will be following baby led weaning from 6 months or thereabouts.

The general idea of baby led weaning is that they always feed themselves - initially using their hands.  Its like the finger foods bit of the weaning guide you get - but they eat everything that way. It can take a while for babies to get the hang of it, but they’ll do it when they’re ready, and all they need up until the age of 1 is milk, so they can take their time about it!

People worry about the choking thing, but from what I have read, if you are sensible about how you give your child food, and never leave them alone to eat, you will be fine.  They have an excellent gag reflex, and a bit of a pat on the back will help them fix everything else.

There are a load of good resources around to help you if you’re interested in Baby Led Weaning (known as BLW):

• The BLW blog, run by a couple of mums who wanted to document their experiences
• and the associated BLW forums
• BLW guidelines
• General advice on what it is safe to feed babies

In about 7 weeks we’ll be starting off on this adventure, so I’ll be posting plenty about it!