Muddling Through Motherhood The good, the bad and the guilt – through motherhood

I’ve long been thinking about my impact on this world an how I can try to live better and despite arguments with David about just how much effect one family would have, I have decided to try to set myself a goal. Maybe each week, maybe one for a month.

My first goal is for august, a month where we should be able to expect at least some sunshine! I am going to use the tumble drier as little as possible, and only for nappies when I do (we don’t have enough if we get several wet days in a row). It should save a bot of unnecessary electricity consumption

Continue reading Improving my world – a tiny goal

Well after the my response from Ms Baird MP, I emailed my MP again who responded promptly restating my two main points and promising to ask for clarification on these. A couple of days ago I got a response and here it is:

Dear Julie,

Regarding [me]

Thank you for your letter of 23rd June to the Vera Baird QC MP on behalf of the constituent Ms Goodwin concerning the Equality Bill. I am replying as the Minister responsible. I am sorry for puting you to the inconvenience of having to write a second letter as our first reply did not fully answer your constituent’s concerns. This was due to an administrative error.

On your constituent’s first point, if a mother was asked to stop feeding her child and leave a cafe, she will know that the law is on her side and this should give her the confidence to challenge the cafe owner by pointing out that he or she is treating her in a discriminatory manner. However, if for any reason she feels unable to do this, she can bring a discrimination claim against the cafe owner before the county court. Information and help on bringing a claim can be obtained from local Citizens Advice Bureaux, local Law Centres or the Equality and Human Rights Commission helpline.

With regard to her second point, the Equality Bill provides protection across specific areas – work, goods, facilities, services, public functions, premises and associations/private clubs. As is the case with discrimination law now, it therefore does not apply to exchanges between individuals in a personal or private capacity such as passers by in the street.

I hope this information is helpful to your constituent

Michael Foster DL MP

Well by omission I surmise that yes, she has to leave the cafe if she is asked, and no, it provides no protection against individuals harassing her. That just isn’t enough. Women and babies need more protection than that.

[Edit - just to clarify, I should have said that she may have the legal right to stay in that cafe, but she has nobody to protect that right at the time. I will be writing to my MP again for further clarification but as I understand it she has no right to call the police to back her up, and what use is the law without that right for an already vulnerable woman. As far as I am concerned, unless the legal system supports this right properly, as long as it is up to her to argue alone and push her case through the legal system, she does have to leave]

Continue reading The Equality Bill Saga Continues…

Most of you will know that I have been involved in campaigning for rights for breastfeeding women and babies for a little while now. I try to do some small things, and regularly write to my MP about issues.

The latest thing is the Equality Bill currently being considered. Morgan sums up the problem brilliantly as normal. Basically the government are fobbing breastfeeding women off with inadequate protection – certainly far less than what Scotland already has.

I wrote to my MP expressing my concerns about this – I sent her the following letter

Dear Julie Kirkbride,

The time of year has come around again where I am organising a picnic
in Birmingham to highlight the issue of the lack of legislation
protecting the rights of babies to be fed in public places. You may
remember that we organised one last year at short notice, but managed
to get some publicity. We hope that you will be able to join us this
year, knowing that you share our interest in protecting and promoting
breastfeeding.

We are holding the picnic on 20th July to coincide with the
parliamentary recess, coordinating with another picnic in London and
other regional picnics.

Tying in with this are the issues of the proposed Equalities bill that
is being touted as providing protecting for breastfeeding mothers.

I would like you to seek clarification from the Government on the
details of how breastfeeding in public spaces is protected under the
proposed Equalities Bill. Specifically, could you ask what would happen
if a mother was asked to stop feeding her child, and leave a cafe?
Would she have to leave, when asked, and then bring a claim after the
event?

I’d also appreciate you enquiring what protection a mother has if she
is approached in the street, or on premises, from a passer-by and not
the staff or owner of the premises? If a fellow passenger on the train,
for instance, starts to demand she stop feeding and leave the carriage,
what protection would the mother have under the Equalities Bill?

I am also concerned that 26 weeks after birth is specifically mentioned
- even if the proposed legislation was sufficient, protection for the
first 6 months will not help mothers to reach the target of at least 2
years recommended by the WHO.

As you know, if this took place in Scotland, the mother could have
either staff, or passer by, charged for an offence liable to a £2500
fine. I’m greatly concerned that the proposals in the Equalities Bill
are not equal to this and would ask that you seek clarification on my
behalf.

Many thanks for your assistance.

Yours sincerely,

Kat Goodwin

I recently received a reply, passed on from Vera Baird QC, MP

I haven’t had a chance to scan it yet, but this is what it says:

Thank you for your letter of 13 May 2009 … passing on correspondence from your constituent, This letter has been transferred to me as the Equality Bill forms part of my Ministerial responsibilities. Your constituent is concerned about discrimination associated with breastfeeding and shows support for the Equality Bill which is now being taken through parliament.

I am very pleased that your constituent supports protection against discrimination for breastfeeding mothers contained in the Equality Bill

The Government recognises the important contribution which breastfeeding can make to the health of mothers and infants. That is why we are doing everything we can to encourage mothers to breastfeed and to make sure that they are aware of its benefits. But, for many mothers, the uncertainty surrounding where they can breastfeed is a real deterrent. Babies do not get hungry to order and mothers have to be confident that they can feed their infants in a cafe, restaurant or shop without the embarrassment of having the owner as them to stop. This is what the Bill will do.

In the past, the law has not been as clear as it could be on this. People have been unsure of their rights and their responsibilities in this area. That is why the Equality Bill makes it clear that women who are treated less favourably outside work just because they are breastfeeding are protected from such discrimination.

Your constituents comments on this important piece of legislation are welcome. I am particularly encouraged at the strength of support and enthusiasm within the community and especially mothers for our efforts to eliminate breastfeeding discrimination.

Clearly I did not express support for the legislation, and none of my questions were answered. I shall have to try again.

Continue reading The Equality Bill and Protecting Breastfeeding Rights

Just a quick note to mention that I’ve manged to lose 8lbs in 3 weeks on weightwatchers. It has worked for me before but I’ve always lost interest, however more than half a stone in 3 weeks, and the idea that I’ll soon be breaking a stone barrier that I haven’t seen in more than 10 years is a very nice one.

I’ve got the fun challenge of my birthday coming up – and I have no intention of being too well behaved for that – but I have been sticking to this, and really feel like this time I can get down to the weight David and I agreed on in order for me to be nice and healthy before trying for another baby.

Another, less fun, challenge is that of getting to the gym. I never feel like going in the evenings, and mornings are hard when Rowan hasn’t been sleeping (although he seems to be back to normal with one feed a night the last few nights). I’m hoping that if I feel more rested I can get my arse out of bed a bit quicker and rush off nice and early. We’ll see.

In the meantime, at least Rowan keeps me active and walking.

Continue reading Watching my weight… fall!

This morning, in the gym, I noted a sign saying something along the lines of “in order to save paper, please use a towel to wipe down the equipment”. I then watched an employee of the leisure centre polish the gym equipment with a large quantity of said paper towel.

Continue reading Do as I say…?

Today I’ve been reading about Unconditional Parenting and some related parenting methods. I should be working so I’ll just note them here so I’ll get round to reading them eventually. And maybe you can read them too and discuss them with me

Punished by rewards?
The Risks of Rewards
Taking Children Seriously

Continue reading Some things I need to read

Typically for me, once I get an idea in my head, if I’m going to go for it, I do it quickly. So, Rowan has started nursery already.

Last week he had 4 settling in sessions. He was as expected – plenty of tears at dropoff and pickup – and a couple of times he cried on and off throughout his (short) time there. On Friday he was there for 4 hours and they actually managed to get him to sleep and eat

He has been quite clingy since he started – whenever we go out of the house he thinks I am going to leave him, but he does relax after a while.

Overall, I’m pretty happy with how things are going.

In other news, the little angel keeps waking up at 5.30. We’ve tried fitting a blackout blind but it needs to be set back against the window rather than over the top of the whole window area as too much light is still getting in, but we’ll see if it helps tonight.

Continue reading Nursery!

My last post – only 6 weeks ago – was an update about how (some time ago now) I had decided that going back to work was not the right thing for me.

Now that Rowan is 15 months and really not much of a baby any more (walking really well and starting to communicate) and now that I am looking at the prospect of having to go back to work for 9 months while Lyne is on maternity leave (from around June, though perhaps earlier) I am starting to reconsider.

Its funny. Although Rowan has been interacting with other kids for some time, he’s now so much more of a little boy that I now walk past the nursery he would have gone to, hearing them playing outside, thinking how much he would love that.

My plan was for him to go to a play group from 2 (next January) but I think that’s term time only, so won’t work for us. That means reconsidering nursery, and I’m finding that that is actually something I can think about now – after hating the idea once it came to actually going to work. The fact that there’ll be plenty of work to do, and that he responds so much better to organised activities is helping me with the idea. I’m looking at a couple of 6 hour days a week until he’s 2 and can go for longer with his free place.

In other news, Rowan is now walking really really well (since the week before easter) and has a couple more teeth coming through – his second pair on the bottom at the front. They’ve just broken and seem to have stopped causing him pain now, though we can’t see them very well yet

Continue reading And the world turns