I remember when I was pregnant, saying to a good friend “Oh, I’d never be able to do that – I’d be too scared!”.  She, quite rightly scoffed at me – “Just wait until you’re knackered and your baby wants to keep feeding”

Of course, she was right, but I didn’t actually really do it when Rowan was cluster feeding for 6+ hours a night, or when he didn’t want to sleep in his basket.  We did ocassionally doze with him on our chests when we couldn’t stay awake any longer, but didn’t make an effort to do it ‘properly’ until about 8 weeks.  This was mostly because I couldn’t get the hang of feeding lying down.  When I did get the hang of this, we still couldn’t do it because Rowan had terrible wind and would wake up, sometimes in the early hours, screaming in pain because I hadn’t burped him during the night.

At about 12 weeks, the wind stopped overnight.  At this time though, Rowan was only waking 1-2 times a night, and I was quite happy getting up to feed him.  Then a few weeks later, some hot weather struck, he wasn’t eating as well in the day, maybe there was a growth spurt, blah blah blah… and he wasn’t sleeping for more than 3 hours in one go, and we gave it another try.

Since then, its been working really well for us – although we’re part time co-sleepers.  Rowan goes into his own cot (right at our bedside) at bedtime, then I sit up for the first feed and put him back in his cot.  When he wakes again, he gets pulled into my arms, and I latch him on and go straight back to sleep.  Lovely!  If he’s not well, or won’t settle because his routine’s been disturbed or whatever, he comes in much earlier.  I sleep more lightly when he’s in with us, but I think I’m getting used to this, and generally wake up feeling refreshed. I’m tired by 9pm, but I think that’s pretty good going for someone with a 5 month old baby.

Like I was, many people are worried about the cot death implications – smothering, rolling on your baby and suchlike, but it really hasn’t been something that worries either David or me, once we got used to it.  The thing to remember is that there are simple guidelines for safe co-sleeping, which I shall summarise here:

• Be careful with bedding, particularly for a non-mobile baby.  If you use a duvet they should be well above the level of the duvet or securely on top of it.
• Dress your baby lightly if they’re sleeping with you as it is very easy to overheat
• Use a good firm mattress
• Never co-sleep if you’re exhausted, if you or your partners are smokers, or if you’ve been drinking

Co-sleeping isn’t for everyone.  If you’re not happy with the idea that you might have a 2 or 3 year old in your bed, think carefully about this.  We’ve decided that we’re happy with this for some time, and will try to tempt Rowan into his own room sometime between his 2nd and 3rd birthdays with a redecorated room and some new furniture.  We’re prepared that this might take some time, but we will deal with it as we need to.

I’m looking forward to Rowan learning to crawl so he can come and help himself in the night without waking me up – he’s already pretty good at latching himself on!

Like so many other things, I wish I’d been able to do this earlier (although I think the wind issue may have been a real problem).  I also think that loads of people probably already do this, when they really need to.  They’re advised by the SIDS people not to do it – advice which is given because of the lack of formal research into the subject – and feel guilty/worry when they do.  I think this is a shame because it stops the safety guidelines being shared properly (although I was given some basic ones by a midwife in hospital – “you’re not supposed to do this, but if you do…”).  Of course, plenty of people also ignore the guidelines that you should keep your baby in your room for X months. (I think its 6)

What research there is indicates that there are significant benefits to co-sleeping.  Being close to a parent while sleeping is shown to regulate babies breathing (possibly something to do with the exhaled carbon dioxide stimulating breathing in the baby).

I’m going to post this for the moment but am going to try to come back to it to add links to research and co-sleeping information